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it's no one's fault, but it's up to you

by Mitchell Langdon

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1.
practice right speech 01:27
2.
retraced steps 01:20
3.
wearing your house (in the loft) 00:48
4.
the wish to disappear 01:12
5.
think it over 01:04
6.
something about this place 01:12
7.
sensitive bird area 00:33
8.
summertime fades 04:02
9.
it's fading out 00:39
10.
the moment never lasts 01:28
11.
for Eric Kitching 01:26
12.
mistakes offer opportunities to learn 00:52
13.
song of the ventilator 01:33
14.
some leisurely contemplation 01:25
15.
big storm's a'comin' 00:56
16.
never became cool 01:35
17.
i wanted to hug the man who was arrested 03:18

about

I have not foreseen a family,
I have not foreseen a career,
I do not foresee a story which ends with a happy ending.
To even question why these tapestries remain unstitched,
Is to uproot everything that I have cultivated thus far,
In my vitriolic stance against convention,
In my reproach of the traditions,
Which breed shallow, unpleasant humans,
Who's very lifestyle offends me,
Who's homophobia stifles my very going outdoors,
In settings apart from solitary Ontario forests,
But perhaps their emanated pressures,
Are what inspired me to seek the door within,
Perhaps my unbending intent,
To stay true to whatever I was,
Is what led me to stumble upon,
The auspicious gateway,
Which effectively turned me into,
The one who saw existence from the outside,
The experience of which has rendered all that is,
As quite astonishing, and rather terrifying,
If one stops to think for too long,
And perhaps that is exactly what I did,
By searching for doors within rooms,
Beyond the first door of perception,
I realize the confusion I have added,
To my formerly straightforward life,
And the suffering that has amassed,
As an unfortunate result.

I realize now,
that what I must do,
Is redeem my entire life,
Through humbling myself,
To the everyday life of the average human,
Through the love of all of those,
who remain close to me,
Despite my conceit,
So that I may appreciate the subtle joy,
Which has been overshadowed,
By another mode of being,
Which by infinity: set me free,
By closing the gates behind me.

Now I am storming the citadel walls,
Pressing to return at once,
As an invader from another world,
Who wishes to disguise themselves,
as but another working-class family man,
Who wishes to belong.

credits

released October 6, 2018

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all rights reserved

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Mitchell Langdon Toronto, Ontario

★ A friend loves at all times, & a brother is born for a time of adversity ★

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